The Social Spinning Wheel

How do you define a friend? I guess for centuries people have been puzzling over this question, ever since "E tu, Brutae?"

I seldom have tried to "define" the concept of a friend, because in my general experience it is simply better to have more than fewer. I have rarely wanted to weed the garden.

However, I may be approaching the season for cleaning, for narrowing, for separating wheat and chaff. But how does one choose?

The same question applies when dating. We must be able to see, recognize and choose the best ones out of all the candidates. We have both the right and the responsibility to choose carefully both our friends and our love partners, and we must hold solid standards for both.

Now I'm thinking again of my father, especially since we're approaching the one year anniversary of his death. I always thought Dad judged people too quickly and harshly. He would often tell us girls that this or that person was not to be trusted, or this guy was a "rounder," and so on.

I remember being puzzled sometimes, however, when in social situations Dad would always treat said person the same as his closest friends. Looking at my own behavior, I believe I may be copying what I learned from him. I'm not always clear with people when I don't consider them friends, and I have evidently not always separated from a partner when it was clear I was no longer attached.

We have to strike a delicate balance, it seems, between greasing the social wheel and making others feel they share a close friendship with us. Sometimes we balance well and other times we tip to one side.

Often we lose our balance in relationships. Now I need to learn to fine-tune my own desires, be honest about them, and not find myself feeling the hypocrite once again.